As I successfully headed of an analysis of the evolution of my journal in my last post, I thought I would use a new post to delve a little deeper into how my journal works. I was taking a closer look at my earlier entries to figure out exactly what I was going to post and it occurred to me how accurately my journal reflects the progression of my exchange year. I'm not sure how well I can explain it but I'm going to try.
First off: When I arrived in Germany, I started off writing in as much German as I possibly could (although that was not really that much and it took a LOT longer than just writing in English). Actually, the entries were mostly English with new words and phrases I had learned thrown in for practice. I also attempted to number the days when I wrote, a habit I gave up on after an impressive seven days. I'd say the language thing shows how genuinely motivated new exchange students are to learn the language, integrate, and have a successful year even when they feel unprepared and a little bit lost. Going along with the feeling of being lost, the numbered days and the fact that my first entries were detailed accounts of pretty much every minute of everyday shows that I was trying to find order and normality in my new situation and I was holding to the YFU Exchange Student Handbook (this doesn't really exist) that advises exchange students to take the year one day at a time. You can also tell how much free time I had because of the amount I wrote. These entries also took the form of a monologue. I used the journal to write things out and organize my thoughts, trying to get my head around everything that I was experiencing in the beginning of the year.
Slowly, slowly, the German disappears and my entries become shorter collections of sentence fragments that really wouldn't be decipherable for anyone except for myself. This is a time where every moment of exchange wasn't the amazingly exciting. I wrote so I would be able to remember everything but the time I was spending on the composition of journal entries was minimal. I still had the will to write and record what I was doing but I no longer was motivated enough to figure out everything in German. The fact that I stopped writing in a monologue-style and switched to just listing events and actions shows that I was finding my way better than before. I was learning new things all the time but my brain was no longer overloaded from the whole exchange experience.
Then, a funny thing happened; German started working its way back into my writing but not because I was newly inspired to translate everything. My brain simply started to work in a language somewhere between English and German. Writing really brought out the best of my Denglish. When you think, you don't have to commit to one language because, obviously, your thoughts are just for you and your brain just thinks in whatever language comes easiest. I also didn't have to make a choice when speaking in my daily life because it was clearly assumed that I would be speaking German. However, while writing a text that is only for me, I did have a choose if I was going to write down the thoughts in my head in German or in English. It's funny to read the entries from this transition time for me because the couple of weeks that I was really struggling to choose one language per day seem obvious to me. I wanted to keep the two languages separate because that's how I thought it should work but my brain didn't agree. Eventually, I just embraced the Denglish and writing became easy again.
This was the part of my exchange where my life in Germany was no longer just my exchange life, but actually becoming a part of me. The flight here and adjustment time were no longer so fresh in my mind and my activities, responsibilities, and problems here were starting to push thoughts of Uni, basketball season, and college to the back of my mind. Just like with my writing, I had to figure out that going with the flow was the best strategy to successfully get through this phase and that the balance between my two lives would continue to change and eventually (hopefully) balance itself out.
And lo and behold, it did. As I learned more German and got better at using it, it was easy and totally natural to just sit down and write in German. Not only is it good practice, but it's also how my memories exist in my mind; they're my Germany memories in German. So actually, my journal hasn't just helped to preserve my memories of what I've done this year but I've also somewhat accidentally recorded my language progression and how exactly how I merged my two worlds. My journal is now almost entirely in German, just like my life. :)
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